Beached Whale
I was taught in church to never ask God why He has something happen. I was told that its disrectful, and lacks faith. Now, I dont really know if I agree with the teacher or not. Either way, I question God sometimes, and it seems like I have questioned him more in the last two years of my being than ever before.
There is a quote for Grey’s Anatomy that keeps ringing in my head. Merideth is talking to one of her fellow interns and says, “We’re adults now, when did that happen? And how can we make it stop?” Thats how I feel right now. Sometimes you just get tired of being a grown up. Not worrying about bills, or having to go to work, or worry about grades and an education. How do you make it stop? How do you stop growing up? I’m almost 23 years old and I feel like I am having to fast forward to my thirties.
Mom and dad went to Mexico this past week and they saw a beached whale and apparently made mom a little scared to go into the water. I personally think it would be a pretty cool site, but then again I have never seen one in person before. For some reason I invision myself trying to go up and pet it and play with it. So I am kinda feeling like that whale, washed up, out of the element, and totally clueless on how to get back in the water.
Grown up, I don’t feel like one but I am continually reminded that I have to act as one, whether I like to or not. I sure wish I had fiured all this out when I was younger and knew everything. 
Insecure
So I am going to put myself on the alter of possible ridicule and judgement, but I think thats ok. I believe more woman and girls will relate with this post more than any other. I believe that every girl needs to address and struggle through this issue instead of locking it away in her inner soul only to let it pull and tear apart her very being. You might ask what thing could be so universal in the lives of women. This virus, this parasite, this reality is insecurity.
Its something at times you seem to have conquered and then it quickly shows its ugly face at the most inopportune time. The comparison of who is prettier, who is greater, who has more talents, who is more popular, who has the cutest and most well behaved children, who has it all are constant questions that ring through your head as you walk through the mall or enter the doors of the church.
I tell girls all the time that you need to be content with how God made you. Funny how I preach to myself so many times through the eyes of a teenage girl. I tell them that they need to start valuing who they are not based on others and posessions.
It seems like in insecurity there is an overhwhelming amount of fear. Fear to lose what you have. Fear that someone better will take your place. Fear that everyone will find out that you aren’t as confident as you act. Fear that you don’t have it all together and you might crumble to the end.
We try to fight the battle and fail miserably. We pursue clothes, certain kinds of make up, relationships that we think will fulfill us, aerobics and exercise, tanning, and surgeries.
So heres to the insecure. To those that are too insecure to say that they are insecure, and to the God that puts up with our waivering thoughts and view of His own creation. We stand together and fight the attacks of feeling mediocre when God can and does use us in so many ways. Every morning as we look in the mirror and every evening as the days thoughts circle through our heads, we strive to acknowledge that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We strive to be secure in Christ.
I could be your girlfriend
My title really has nothing to do with this post. There is a song that is rather popular right now that I figured would be getting some searching credits right about now and so I thought I would also along with everyone else catch them up on life right now.
I was talking with Josh yesterday saying that I had so much that I am able to blog about but I just dont have the time. Currently I am taking 21 hours this summer for school. I am not sure if this is something that is going to make me stronger or make me go insane. I am plugging away bit by bit though and really enjoying actually being back in school. ( I never thought I would say such a thing.) I am also working summer school for the month of June and loving it as well.
Last week Josh and I were driving down the road joking about something, and he made the comment that I have laughed more since we came to Mansfield than I have our entire marriage. I honestly couldn’t tell you if its an overexageration or the truth, but my response was that I am just happy.
God puts you in time periods where you are able to relax and regroup. Even though there are 21 hours circling in my head for school where, I feel no stress, or worry, or anxiety, just peace. It seems like I have been somewhat rejuvenated. Where for so long I felt attacked and sometimes victimized from the church and circumstances, I now feel a freedom. A freedom to laugh. A freedom to learn. A freedom to mess up and know I will be picked up. Just Freedom.
This sunday we will get on the bus with our 100 students and head to Panama Beach Florida. I am looking forward to some time with my girls and staying up late at night talking about the cute boys at camp, and by the end of the week seeing God move in their decisions and actions.
I guess I better get to work. I know there really isn’t any kind of deep theological discussion or revelations, but just telling ya how things are. I won’t be blogging much next week as I will be soakin up some Florida sun.
